Sixteen years ago, Eileen Doyle's husband, an engineer, kissed his four
children early one morning, packed a small case and was never seen or heard
of again. Eileen was astonished and was in a state of despair. They had been
a happy family and, as far as she knew, there had been nothing wrong with
their marriage.
Every day of the year a small group of men and women quietly pack a few
belongings and, without a note or a goodbye, close the front door for the last
time, leaving their debts, their worries and their confused families behind
them. Many return home within a year, but a minority reject the past
completely and start living a new life somewhere under a different identity.
For those left behind, this form of desertion is a terrible blow to their pride
and self-confidence as they usually tend to blame themselves for the situation.
Some say they would prefer to be dead rather than be abandoned like this.
Worse than that, people can be left with an unfinished marriage, not knowing
whether they will have to wait seven years, as the law says, before they are
free to start a fresh life.
Clinical psychologist Paul Brown believes most departures of this kind to
be well planned rather than impulsive. "It's typical of the kind of personality
which seems to be able to ignore other people's pain and difficulties. Running
away, like killing yourself, is a highly aggressive act. By creating an absence,
the people left behind are made to feel guilty, upset and empty."
According to Bramwell Pratt, head of The Police Investigation
Department, men and women run away for very different reasons though lack
of communication is often the biggest motive. 'The things that disturb a
man's personality are obscure problems like being tied up in debt, or serious
worries about work. Women usually leave for more obvious reasons, with
fear at the root of everything. Men are more often prepared to give their
marriage another try than women, but we are aware that, for most wives, it
would be difficult to return after the way they've been treated.'
